


However many times it takes

by L_o



Category: The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mystery, Not Beta Read, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 01:54:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16358423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L_o/pseuds/L_o
Summary: Following destiny that is tangled like yarn, Wandering beyond timeI am lost.He winced as pain exploded in his head when he took a step and stumbled.Everything seemed fuzzy at the edges, like a daydream he walked on and on inside the train but there was no one.





	However many times it takes

**Author's Note:**

> Italics are for thoughts or observations.  
> this work is inspired by Monsta x - Destroyer and the connect music film.  
> special thanks to my soulster for helping me turn my rumblings into a coherent fic.  
> this fic is unbeta-d so if you find any mistakes pls tell me so i can fix them.  
> hope you enjoy.  
> EDIT: included the art i was talking about earlier and fixed some spelling mistakes.  
> you can find the original post [here](https://twitter.com/NuvemTe/status/1061446725443960832)

10:45 pm.  
Newt walked off angrily as Thomas followed him. They had just left Minho’s birthday party which was going fine until Thomas decided to be an oblivious nosy jerk and humiliate him in front of their friends.

“Newt, would you slow down?” 

Thomas said tiredly as he struggled to keep up with the pace Newt was going on their way to the subway since they left his car at their apartment.

“oh what? Can’t keep up with the cripple now?”

Newt spat sarcastically making sure not to slow down even if his leg was starting to bother him. 

“you know I’d never call you that! Why are you acting so pissed I just wanted to help!” 

Newt rolled his eyes and went down the stairs for the underground subway station with Thomas following behind him.

“well I don’t need your bloody help, I never asked for it and I certainly don’t need your pitying looks directed at me every time our friends suggest we do something that doesn’t involve sitting our asses all day long”  
The two moved towards the gates which opened with a peep as they swiped their ticket cards through. Once they were past them and waiting for the train to open its doors Thomas decided to speak again

“Listen, I only said that hiking doesn’t suit everyone especially not-…”

Newt scoffed and interrupted him.

“the hell do you know? No offence Thomas but these are my friends long before they were yours and they know me better. You think you suddenly became a genius looking out for me as if I needed looking after and they were just inconsiderate idiots?! Well, here is some good news for you, I went hiking before with them and it was bloody fantastic and I’ll do it again next week and you can fucking back off and learn not to stick your nose into somebody else’s business” 

The doors opened, and people started walking inside as Newt stepped inside and left Thomas to stand alone. Thomas felt a little guilty but at the same time felt like Newt was exaggerating and he was too stubborn to just apologize when he knew he had a point.  
So, he followed Newt before the doors have shut and stood beside him. Newt avoided looking at him and just stared ahead, occasionally checking his phone and acting like Thomas didn’t exist.

* * *

11:40 pm.  
Thomas sighed and shook his head, the air between them was tense and he felt like he might start another argument if he stood next to Newt for a minute longer, besides he kind of needed a piss. So, he turned and walked away towards where the restrooms were at the end of the train.  
By the time he was done and considerably cooled down, he went walking back to Newt with the intention to apologize because he realized he might’ve came off as too intruding when he only has the best of interest for Newt. It was just that everything is different when it’s about his roommate. Thomas adores him and respects him, and he knows their friendship is something special. Dare he hope, could even become something different? He is not the type to just open up to anyone and Newt is even more stubborn than him when it comes to that. Truth is, Thomas has been trying many times to find the right moment to confess to Newt, even if the other rejects him he wants to know if he has a chance or not. He wants to know whether Newt thinks about him too almost every day? Or does he ever get the urge to hold his hand whenever they go out for coffee together to unwind on Saturday mornings? Does he ever want to kiss Thomas when they cuddle on their couch to watch a movie?  
At first, it was just a simple crush, he made friends with Minho during one of their shared classes and Minho told him about this friend he has who is looking for a roommate to split rent for his apartment since he loves it there but can’t afford to pay all the rent, asked him if he was interested.  
And Thomas had almost made the stupidest decision in his life and said no, but then a voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like his childhood friend Teresa  
‘Be nice Tom’  
He just smiled and shrugged, what harm can it do to check out the place? he could always find some excuse to say no later if he doesn’t like it.  
And when he did go with Minho to meet his friend and see the apartment, he made a fool of himself by tripping at the doorstep, shaking hands with a beautiful stranger that smiled while he apologized for his sweaty hands and reintroduced himself since he stupidly said his name was Minho in a state of panic.  
Minho made fun of him for that for almost a whole year.  
He couldn’t actually afford the rent without getting a second job at first, so his mind was screaming at him to say no yet he shook hands with a smile and brought his stuff in three days later.  
Thankfully, his two jobs situation didn’t last long as he got a raise on his first part-time job at a restaurant and abandoned the second one after convincing their landlord to lower the rent in exchange of tutoring her grandchild Chuck.  
Things went well, his crush died down for a while as he and Newt got to know each other more and deal with each other’s antics. It didn’t make Newt any less beautiful when he got too lazy to clean the living room when it was his turn, annoying but it made him more real in Thomas’s eyes. They fought sometimes over the silliest things like who left the oven open or where did a favorite shirt of one of them go, why didn’t the other buy the groceries that were on the list and brought more of their favorite snack instead.  
And sometimes it was more serious fights that brought them closer to each other, like when Newt was stressed over his parents fighting and Thomas said something careless out of bitterness that was left by his own parents. Or that time Newt didn’t return any of his calls after getting drunk the night before and not returning home for two days straight. There was also a time when Thomas didn’t get along with one of Newt’s friends, Gally. They had a big fight over something he can’t even remember and Thomas walked with a purple eye and a sting of hurt over Newt not immediately taking his side in that childish fight, eventually and after a lot of nagging from Newt he and Gally made up , they didn’t become best of friends but they respected each other and for the sake of the group made an effort to act civil when around each other. All of this trouble, painful and happy memories mixed and blossomed into love in Thomas’s heart.  
A love for Newt, and every second spent with him creating memories.

* * *

11:50 pm.  
Thomas made his way back towards Newt when the commotion of the crowd made him frown. He walked further in until he saw people trying to get away from something at the other side of the train, the place he left Newt at.  
His heartbeat quickened and he walked faster then he heard a shot and the next thing he knew were people screaming pushing him out of the way as he struggled to look for Newt  
“Newt! What is happening?! Newt where are you ?!”  
He pushed himself between the running crowd and tried to grab one and ask them 

“please! Tell me what is going on?!”

11:55 pm.

The woman cried and moved to grab him and pull him back

“that guy! He’s crazy! He has a gun and he just-..”

Thomas’s eyes widened and he quickly freed himself from the girl’s grip as she cried after him shouting to not go there. He ran until he stopped where someone was lying on the floor in a pool of their own blood. 

His blood runs cold. He knows that jacket, that familiar blonde hair and that wristwatch which he gave for Newt’s 28th Birthday just a few months ago. 

With a shaky breath and slow steps he made his way towards the body on the floor, slowly reaching out with a trembling hand to turn the body and look at the face of the person he loved immensely. 

Newt’s eyes were open, his mouth slightly agape and a bullet hole right above his eyes. 

Thomas involuntarily lurched at the sight, tears falling down his face as he breathed heavily and stared and stared and stared. 

Newt is dead.

The sound of someone shouting vaguely registered, Thomas cant look anywhere except the face of his dead friend.  
Then a familiar voice spoke to him in a whisper

“Rewind”

The owner of the strangely familiar voice crouched behind him, placing a hand on his back between his shoulders

“you can fix this”

The person behind him pressed an antique looking watch into his grip. Thomas couldn’t move and it almost fell of his slack grip until the person behind him held his grip and forced him to press the button of the watch.  
The sound of air rushing filled his ears and within a blink of an eye, Thomas was back again at the toilets. 

 

He staggered forward emptying the contents of his stomach. Once he was done he quickly wiped his mouth and straightened up despite his weak knees.  
11:50 pm.  
He couldn’t believe it. He thought it was some kind of a weird daydream, but the weight of the watch rested heavy on his hand.  
11:55 pm.  
He squeezed it once to ground him back to reality then pocketed the watch and opened the door of the toilet, immediately started walking in a hurry to find Newt.  
11:57 pm.  
People screamed, moved back just like he saw before. He ran faster and screamed Newt’s name prayers stuck in his throat that this time, it won’t end like before.  
11:59 pm.  
The door separating the train section had just slid open as he watched Newt fall lifelessly onto the ground with a resounding shot that was fired. 

He pressed the button again.

* * *

11:50 pm.

Thomas didn’t even hesitate and ran out the toilet and straight towards Newt despite the ringing in his ears and his vision going dizzy. 

He stumbled as he ran but fear was gripping his heart in a tight clutch as he moved before the screaming begun. A crowd hadn’t formed yet but then a small one near the door which Newt was behind was slowly backing away as someone’s shouts filled tense silence.  
With a racing heart and a heavy breath, he moved to open the door.

11:55 pm.

The door separating section cars of the train slid open and Thomas was face to face with a guy pointing a gun at him and screaming profanities looking half crazed. Thomas froze in his place, a thousand words stuck in his throat.  
newt was trying to calm the guy down through speaking softly

“lower the gun, you really don’t want to do this mate”

Newt had his arms up trying to show himself as harmless, a kid behind him clutching his jacket

“please, it’s not worth it”

The man had turned to face Newt again, gun aiming at his head as the man shook with anger

“she’s my daughter! Just give me back my daughter and I won’t hurt anyone!” 

The blonde girl behind him whimpered and clutched his jacket harder while shaking her head. 

Newt wet his lips nervously and stared at the guy holding the gun

“Listen, I can’t do that. She’s scared and waving that gun around is not helping her feel better” 

Newt glanced at Thomas and shook his head, as if telling him to go back and run away but Thomas could only glare at him because there is no way he’d leave Newt alone with a psychotic guy threatening everyone with a gun. 

11:58 pm

“Get out of my way kid! I’m going to take my daughter and we are going to leave this place!”

Newt slowly backed away as the guy stepped closer, Thomas tried to approach the guy from behind 

“Tommy no!”

He couldn’t do anything, the man escaped his grasp and lunged at Newt and the girl. 

11:59 pm.

Newt tried to stop him, then the sound of gunfire pierced loud as thunder in his ears and Newt fell.

He was too late, a tear escaped his eyes as he stared at Newt’s lifeless gaze. The blonde girl’s screams as her father dragged her away a distant voice in his mind.  
He pressed the button again.

* * *

11:50 pm.  
This time, the escaping crowd was more panicked and had pushed him back despite the anger fueling him. He pushed forward uncaring of the screams around him, of people trying to hold him back telling him it’s dangerous.

His eyes met Newt’s and Newt shook his head vigorously, his eyes begging him to stay away. 

The door slid with a thud 

“Tommy!”

blood spattered on his face as Newt fell

* * *

11:50 pm.

Thomas sobbed and clutched the sink, tears trailing down his face as every breath felt useless, he was hyperventilating and he couldn’t stop his thoughts from racing.  
_Newt Newt Newt Newt._  
He looked at his reflection in the mirror and turned the faucet on, splashing water over his face.  
He rested his head against the mirror, then started hitting his head against it till a shout of frustration ripped through his throat and he hit the mirror making it crack and cut his fist. 

He hissed in hurt and placed his bloodied hand under the water. 

_Deep breathes._  
He stared at himself, knowing he doesn’t have enough time for this try and instead tried to focus on making a plan.

* * *

11:50 pm.

His 10th and hopefully last one. Every time he went back in time something had went wrong. A guy pulling him back forcefully, the crowd blocking his way, the little blonde girl moving too soon and startling the man into shooting Newt, a once where the girl manages to escape the train section but Newt and another two people die, and his latest was a complete disaster because Newt died in his arms saving him. 

So Thomas ran, he ran with all of his might and only one thought on his mind, This will be the last time and Newt will live. 

The door slid open, the blonde girl broke away from her father’s grip shouting 

“Someone help!”

The man pulled out his gun and fired a shot at the roof then chaos ensued. People fled scared but Newt pushed the girl behind him to protect her and turned to face the gun aimed at his face.  
11:54 pm  
And then all of Thomas’s anger exploded. He lunged at him with a cry and forced him into a chokehold pulling him back and away from Newt’s way.  
Newt quickly grabbed the girl’s hand and pushed her towards the exit door while Thomas struggled against the man.  
11:55 pm  
Thomas got pushed into the wall and felt his head collide harshly making stars explode behind his eyes. His grip slackened and the man turned to face him, grabbing his head and smashing it again against the wall of the train. He raised his gun to shoot him but then they heard Newt’s blood curdling scream 

“Tommy!”

11:56 pm

Newt was running back towards them now that he let the girl run away to safety. It was enough of a distraction for the man holding the gun as Thomas kicked him off then punched him, he tried to twist the man’s arm till his hold weakened on the gun till it slipped out of the man’s grip. He punched Thomas and Thomas fell into the ground with the man straddling him and punching his face repeatedly.  
Newt kicked the man in his face and away from Thomas but the man soon recovered before Newt could get Thomas away and lunged at Newt tackling him down onto the ground and choking him as Newt struggled to pry the man’s hands away from his throat.  
11:57 pm

Thomas groaned as he tried to get up, his vision swimming and blood dripping down his nose but he forced himself to get up enough to push the man off of Newt, he straddled him and punched him but Thomas was so much lighter than the man so he got thrown off of him easily but Thomas used the momentum and held onto him while they rolled, successfully slamming the man's head into the edge of the seat making the man pass out. 

He turned to look at Newt, the sound of something broken crunching in his back pocket.

“Newt?”

11:59

Thomas blinked, no one was there.

  


* * *

00:00  
Newt stared at the ceiling then turned to look at his side, there was a man bloodied and passed out on the floor not too far away from him.  
He was about to call someone, a name on the tip of his tongue.  
He coughed, his throat hurting him as he felt disoriented. Confusion filled his mind as he slowly got up.  
The train stopped at the station and Newt looked around him as he grabbed one of the poles to sit up, the police came rushing in right as the doors were opened. Something felt terribly wrong, he closed his eyes and everything next happened in a rush.

* * *

11:50 pm.  
Thomas stood up and shook his head

“Newt?”

He called while looking around but there was no one to answer him.

“hello? Anyone here?”

He pressed his fists against his eyes and shut them tightly as a terrible splitting headache bloomed in his head. He took several deep breaths before removing his hands and putting them back down, absentmindedly noticing the lack of blood that was covering his face before.

He reached down towards his pocket to look for the watch and found it in his back pocket. The glass was cracked and a few screws were loose, the watch handles spun madly not stopping once. He winced as pain exploded in his head when he took a step and stumbled. 

Everything seemed fuzzy at the edges, like a daydream he walked on and on inside the train but there was no one. The train never stopped moving. 

Thomas had tried everything, from screaming himself hoarse to breaking into the control room and with his phone with no signal he had no hope. It was as if time stopped and he was stuck alone in an endless trip.

 

11:50 – 11:51 – 11:52 – 11:53 – 11:54 – 11:55 – 11:56 – 11:57 – 11:58 – 11:59 – 11:50 – 11:51 – 11:52 – 11:53…..

* * *

_“An armed man was found on the subway train at Montre station passed out with his weapon away from reach. Investigations stated that L.R was under the influence of drugs when he forced his daughter to come with him after highschool in an attempt to escape the law and his ex-wife, as the court had granted her the custody of their daughter after they had divorced. Luckily, a young man in his twenties had stepped in and stopped L.R from injuring anyone however suffered some injuries during the struggle and was transferred to the nearest hospital. The details of the incident are unclear as the police states that the video recording from the surveillance cameras was disrupted minutes before it all went down. The investigations still continue and we will make sure to keep up with any updates. This was reporter Jane Ackerman from INC news”_

Minho turned off the TV and sighed as he sunk into the couch. He almost went crazy after hearing the news. One minute it was just another boring day at work and the next thing he knows his coworker comes running towards him with a worried look on his face and showing him a picture on his phone 

“isn’t that your friend?”

After that, it was all a blur till he reached hospital and found Newt signing some papers off before leaving. Minho rushed to hug him tightly, wanting to make sure he was alright

“oof, that’s a bit too tight mate” 

Newt croaked with a weak voice and cleared his throat. Minho pulled back but placed his hands on Newt’s shoulders and took a good look at him. He seemed alright, paler than usual and the bandages on his throat stood out. There were a few bruises on his face and Minho was filled with rage. 

“I’m gonna fucking kill that guy”

Newt smiled comfortingly and patted Minho’s shoulder.

“police got him, want to go home”

Newt seemed to struggle to speak because of his throat injury so Minho spared him the questions and simply nodded as he led the way back into his car.  
Once they reached Newt’s small apartment Minho didn’t take off and instead went along with him. Newt knew not to ask questions because he understood that his friend was a bit shaken up and needed to be around him for a while and he didn’t mind. His suspicions were proven correct when Minho made himself at home and brought himself a blanket and stated offhandedly 

“I’m staying on the couch, you should head to bed you look really tired”

Newt nodded with a small smile and went to his room, the door shutting behind him with a soft click.

* * *

When Newt woke up he felt incredibly off, like he was at a stranger’s place and not his own room. Everything felt unfamiliar but familiar at the same time it was making his head hurt. 

Newt got up and went through his morning routine, he checked on the bandages as the smell of food reached his room. He decided he was starving enough to describe Minho’s modest scrambled eggs and French toast as heavenly.

He took a bite and decided to ignore that feeling as he tried to act like if it were any other normal day with his friend. 

A week passes and he lives normally, or at least as close to normal as he could. His apartment feels different, more claustrophobic than usual and definitely colder.  
Two weeks pass and that’s when he starts to realize something is off with him.  
Newt caught himself sometimes turning and talking to someone as if someone was there with him waiting for his answer.  
Sometimes he'd do something and feel a vague distant memory, that he knew someone is related to it. for the past two weeks he had absentmindedly ordered two drinks every time he went to the café across the block. It’s always the same order and he is beyond confused because none of his friends like caramel macchiato.  
Sometimes Newt gets lost in his own thoughts as his heart yearns for someone he doesn’t think he had met before. He felt like someone is missing from their friends group activities like going out to eat or going to the movies and at some point, it felt like he had lost a part of himself and can’t find it no matter how hard he searched.  
Sometimes he falls asleep on his couch and mumbles at someone to shut the TV off because he felt too lazy to do it but then remember he’s the only one living here, and he has been living alone since the start of college.  
A month passes and that’s when he gets his first weird dream.

* * *

November 2017. 

His mind floated through a dream,  
Its short and blurry but he caught the form of someone walking away from him in a train before he woke up.

The dreams are not long, some repeat themselves and some don’t.  
They came rarely at first, but as time went on they became more regular. 

Newt started thinking something must be going terribly wrong with him, he had a few drinks with Minho and Gally at a nearby pub and was too intoxicated to drive so he decided to take a cab back home.

He had no idea he had described a completely different address to his apartment, a place he never been to but strangely felt a pull towards, in his intoxicated mind he felt like he was getting back home and only stopped when he realized he stood in front of a door he didn’t have keys to.

* * *

December 2017.

Sometimes Newt would get dreams that quickly flash into a number.  
So, he finds himself staring at street signs with numbers familiar to what he saw in his dreams.  
One day he decides to look it up.  
He does his best with each dream to catch a number and remember it  
51, one night in December.  
514, two nights in December.  
5141, one night in January.  
514115, one night in January.  
5141157, two nights in February.  
51411574, two nights in February.  
514115741, five nights in April.  
5141157415, or was it 51415746?  
5141157415, five nights in April.  
51411574155, one night in April.  
514115741551, one night in May.  
51411574155102, two nights in May.  
51411574155102181, two nights in May.  
51411574155102181022, one night in June.  
51411574155102181022235, two nights in June.  
5141157415510218102223590000, one night in June.  
It took him 6 months to have the full number. It appeared to him in different times in his dreams, different places and sometimes it got too foggy to remember when he woke up so he kept a journal next to his bed. He wrote down in what he saw in those confusing dreams, at first he tried to ignore them but they kept repeating themselves until he was convinced it could mean something. 

He didn’t sleep well the past 8 months or so, he felt restless. Sometimes his dreams would show him someone walking away from him and the next thing he knew were tears escaping his eyes when he wakes up and a deep sorrow eating at his heart.

It wasn’t difficult to notice, Minho had asked him multiple times if he were alright and if something was bothering him but Newt was never a one to just talk openly about his feelings, let alone ones he can’t even begun to explain the absurdity of. 

So, he kept everything to himself, the dreams, the numbers, the journal and the fact that on some nights he cried himself to sleep with silent sobs feeling beyond lost in this world. 

Feeling like he was missing a piece.

* * *

July 2018. 

He was arguing with someone, they refused to listen. He was incredibly mad but the person with him couldn’t understand his feelings. He loved them deeply but sometimes he thinks they are too nosy and protective for their own sake. 

Words sounded distant, like he was hearing them from underwater. They argued, they yelled and then that person was walking away from him again.

_“Newt”_

Newt woke up with a gasp, eyes wide and staring at his ceiling. His eyes stung with unshed tears, who were they? Who on earth were they and why did they make Newt feel like this? 

He doesn’t understand anything, the sound of air rushing through his ears got too loud for him to think anything until one flash in his mind showed the numbers.

5141157415510218102223590000 

He grabbed his journal and looked at the number as whole at first, tried to find a pattern but it didn’t make any sense.  
So, he does what any sensible person would do, google the whole thing. Sadly, it didn’t work.  
It took him 6 months to memorize the numbers and yet he couldn’t understand what they meant. He tried to take 10 numbers of it and call that number but still didn’t really gain anything except bother strangers with weird phone calls. 

Newt sighed and tried to think of what they could mean.

Days pass and he drives himself half mad with how much he obsesses over it until he decides to just let it go and forget it.  
Minho keeps shooting him concerned looks then finally expressed to him how worried he was for Newt and it’s alright if he doesn’t tell him the whole thing but at least allow Minho to comfort him. Newt felt terrible for doing this to his friend, so he thought this decision was for the best.  
Forget about it and move on, it was just silly dreams after all.

* * *

July 2018.

It somewhat works, the dreams become less and less. Newt thinks they finally stopped until one week later he dreams of dying on the train and wakes up crying out.  
Newt felt suffocated, he decided to go out for a walk since he’s sure he won’t be able to go back to sleep now. He absentmindedly registers how it has been what? 7? 8? months since he last went on a train? He even kind of forgot about that incident that’s almost a year ago.  
When he comes back to his mind he realizes he’s standing in front of an entrance to a closed subway station, it’s around 4 am and no soul is awake.  
He feels a strange pull that surprises him, almost even scares him a bit.  
He doesn’t go there, despite it being what’s always on his mind he doesn’t go back there again for a month.

* * *

August 2018. 

One night, Newt and Minho decided to take a different route to pick up their other friend Gally who was helping their other friend Alby move out of his old apartment. They walked the night streets in silence disturbed only by Minho’s loud voice as he talked on the phone, probably begging Jeff to cover his shift at work for Saturday.  
Newt wasn’t really paying a lot of attention to the one-sided conversation as his eye caught a street sign with the number 513.  
The gentle breeze swiftly passed him, For some strange reason the sign felt so off.

Newt’s feet carried him away from Minho, walking on until he reached the street 514 sign.  
And suddenly, as crazy as it might seem, he thinks it relates to the numbers he spent months obsessing over. For a moment he scoffs at himself for acting so irrational and obsessive.  
But then he looks up a little ahead, and his eyes land on the closed subway station entrance.

He decides to go back there in the next day.

* * *

Newt did end up going there in the morning, but a reconstruction guy stops him with a hand on his shoulder 

“sorry but the area is closed, you are not allowed in”

Newt nods and stares at the dark stairway as the man lets go of him and goes back to his work.  
Newt came back at night and snuck his way inside past the reconstruction sides and tapes.  
  
It’s dark and scary but for some reason he feels like he needs to be here. He walks further in and passes by a sign  
_1 15 7 Subway Montre Station._  
His heart jumps in his throat, those numbers…  
Newt kept Moving with his phone's flashlight open, he searches the place for anything that may lead him further into discovering the mystery behind what haunts his mind and wounds his heart.  
He finds the surveillance room locked so he passes by it and keeps searching, it gets late and its eerily quiet until he thinks he might've heard some noise that made him jump in his skin.  
He quickly snuck back out, already thinking of when to come back here again.  
But life keeps him away. All of his work reports and responsibilities kept him busy and exhausted. A month passes before he gets a reminder in one of his dreams, of someone's warm smile

* * *

September 2018.

  


at night he manages to sneak back into the closed subway station, he searches everywhere for anything, any hint that could lead him to something that might spark the same urge he had when he first saw the place.  
However, soon with days doing the same thing over and over again he became completely exhausted. he stared at the wall blankly.  
There was a map with a list of trains that used to pass here. So, Newt for some reason thought maybe he should look into those trains, they could be related to the numbers in his dreams.  
Now that he really thinks about it, that person left him on a train.

Newt snaps a picture of the list and takes off home. on the weekend he spent his entire time researching about each train until he happens upon the train that was familiar, the one he was in. 

_Train No. 4155102._

_514 1 15 7 4155102_ , he smiled at himself almost like a maniac before he forced himself to calm down and focus. 

The street, the station, the train.  
What could the remaining numbers mean? 

He scratched his head and sighed, he doesn’t have the slightest idea and he couldn’t think right at 2 am when the only thing that kept him going was the sole consumption of coffee for the past 10 hours. He was extremely exhausted as he gathered the empty and some cold cups of coffee, set them inside the sink then shut the lights and went to sleep.  
He doesn’t know what they mean but his bet was that if he were to find something, it would probably be inside the only room he couldn’t search yet, the surveillance room.

* * *

He saw a dream he had before, but this time a longer snippet. He’s with someone and he’s fighting with them. He’s incredibly angry at them and he doesn’t want to apologize because he knows he has a right to be angry at this person even though he can’t remember why, and then he sees them walking away from him just like before.  
the world distorted and it got blurry. Suddenly he’s in the middle of the crowd pushing against him to run away, this was real, this he can remember.  
Just as he opens the door and runs towards someone, their name is on the tip of his tongue as he tries to reach them-  
He wakes up with tears running down his face and the name Tommy stuck in his throat.  
He doesn’t know a person named Tommy…

 

The following day, he takes a gamble and asks Minho about someone named Tommy.  
Minho has no idea who he’s talking about.  
He asks his mother and some of his other friends if they maybe knew someone by that name, no one does and its incredibly frustrating to him.

He ends up going to that closed station again and looks through the only place he hadn’t been able to before, with the feeling of time slipping between his hands he reasoned consequences be damned.  
He breaks the door and goes inside the surveillance room. He knows he is not normally like this, that it feels like he’s being controlled by his obsession to the point that he’s doing things he didn’t necessarily think he’d ever do.  
He ignored his thoughts as the only sight that greeted him was blank computer screens, all of which were turned off and dusty.  
He shivered, the place was freezing and deathly silent.  
Newt walked around, looking everywhere and anywhere. Who knows what he might find, maybe Tommy was an employee here or someone that came here before for some other reason.  
Once he looks through the room and turns it upside down he finds nothing useful. He decided to try his luck with the computers themselves, it’s too dusty and he almost thought he was dumb for even trying but then the computer switches on.  
The screen flickers, then the first thing he sees is a video that played without him even clicking anything.  
At first, he thought he was getting a live footage of one of the trains because there was no one and the image remained still. He looked at the time of the recording on the screen, it didn’t make any sense.  
_23:50:00:00 22:10:2018_  
Suddenly almost all screens flickered open and showed the same footage.

A guy walked into the frame and started directly at the camera, at him.  
Newt stood frozen in his place, screens constantly flickering but his focus on the one right in front of him remained. The guy stared right at him and newt knew him, had a feeling he did.  
He must be Tommy, he had to be.  
He took a copy of the video and left the underground station with a heart racing and full of adrenaline. Finally, feeling like he’s finally getting somewhere.  
But first he needs someone's help

* * *

"What the fuck man it’s like 3 am! I swear to god if someone is not dying then they better be because you know how I highly value my beauty sleep"  
Minho complained as he opened the door for Newt who rudely woke him up with a call and a short and serious  
"I'll be at your apartment in 15 minutes"  
Newt knows he’s acting weird and Minho has sensed something from the beginning so he doesn’t complain a lot and lets Newt in then looks at him expectantly with an arched eyebrow. 

"I need your help" 

Newt says, his face somewhat pale and the dark circles under his eyes are more pronounced.

"And it couldn’t wait till tomorrow?"

Newt shakes his head. Minho bites his lip in nervousness, figuring it must be really serious then. 

"you said you had some connections at the police"

Minho answered slowly

"yeah?" 

Newt already felt like he was being stupid but there is no use turning back now and he got nothing to lose anyways. maybe he shouldn’t tell Minho the whole thing, just that he needed to find someone.

"I have a video of someone and I thought maybe you could help me find them?"

 

Minho stared at Newt for what felt like a full 5 minutes before he replied 

"Excuse me? When I said connections, I meant like for speeding tickets or getting arrested for drunk driving not this kind of thing!" 

"Don’t yell at me like that! you told me you had connections so there must be something you'd be able to do"

"Newt just what exactly have you gotten yourself into? Why do you want to find someone?" 

Minho looked at him with concern and Newt hates that he’s worrying his friend, but he doesn’t know what else to do and if he told Minho the truth he has a feeling that Minho will never let him leave this place alone. He’s just so overprotective sometimes that Newt has no doubt about it. his mind took him back to a time he had gotten sick for almost a week but Minho moved in to be his home nurse for approximately a month until Newt himself kicked him out.  
Newt has no doubt that if Minho suspects Newt is up to something not necessarily good he wouldn’t let him go anywhere without his watch. Newt sighs and looks down at his hands as he drops to sit on Minho's bed, the room softly lit by the nightstand light.

"Minho please, I really need your help and I can’t tell you what is it for but I just really need to find this person" 

"Is this about that Tommy guy?"

Minho swallowed and decided to calm down a bit, Newt looked exhausted like he hadn’t slept well in days and he was always in his own mind that it was difficult to reach him. He felt like Newt was hiding something big away from him and it kind of hurt him to know Newt would rather keep it to himself.

Newt won’t even look him in the eye when he brought up that imaginary guy. So Minho nodded to himself and took a deep breath 

"Fine, alright, but if you do anything stupid I swear to god-"

Newt visibly relaxed at his words

"But before you get your hopes up I really don’t know if I could pull this off so just keep your expectations low" 

Newt nodded and quickly stood up to hug Minho who quickly returned the hug.

"Great, now you are hugging me which is something you and I both know doesn’t happen very often which means-.." 

And then newt interrupted him

"Thanks, you just ruined the moment" 

Minho scoffed laughing 

"I'll learn not to do it next time"

Newt rolled his eyes 

"After this, you bet there won’t be a next time you dumbass"

Minho shrugged and put out his hand

"So, let’s see who this mysterious guy is"

Newt took out a flashdrive memory from his pocket and handed it to Minho. He checked the time on his phone then noticed his phone battery was about to die so he left Minho to it and went to charge his phone knowing exactly where Minho kept his charger because his friend was scared of those internet rumours about phone chargers blowing up at night and killing people so he kept his phone charging away from his bed. 

When he came back Minho was completely silent and tense in his seat  
"What is it?" 

Newt asked, walking closely towards Minho until he saw what was displaying on the screen of the laptop too.

"Newt I...." 

Minho looked at him, confusion written all over his face but Newt could only stare at the screen.  
There, the video played and it wasn’t Tommy that was standing there.  
It was himself. 

He simply took the flashdrive and quickly shoved it inside his pocket, taking quick steps and leaving Minho's apartment in a hurry. Ignoring Minho's shouts after him to come back.

This couldn’t be right.

* * *

Newt ran towards his apartment till his lungs burned.  
He was crazy. He must have been hallucinating the entire thing.  
He was crazy and he just proved it to himself and to his bestfriend.  
He locked himself at his apartment and ignored everything else as he took a long shower and broke down feeling utterly lost. He covered his mouth with his hand feeling sick in his stomach, he was losing his mind, he hallucinated the whole thing.  
He was exhausted, he dragged his body and dropped down onto his bed. He couldn’t be more thankful that his dreams were just of a black abyss. 

He woke up to frantic knocking at his door, it was Minho looking beyond worried and concerned that he immediately jumped to hug him quickly then pulled back asking frantically 

“where did you go last night?! why didn’t you stop when I called you?! Are you alright?! Are you hurt anywhere?!”

It made the guilt set deep into his stomach, but Newt ignored it too.  
Newt didn’t answer any question, he just went back to the kitchen and calmly started making himself something to eat. 

"Newt I'm worried about you"

Newt gripped the knife in his hand harder and stared at the table before him, gritting his teeth in anger at everything that was happening to him.  
Why him? Why was he having those weird visions? Why couldn’t he just live normally like he used to before? Why why why?!  
Suddenly he was filled with immense anger. Minho placed his hand on his shoulder but Newt quickly shrugged it off and moved back as if the touch burned him.  
In an instant he faced Minho and started shouting 

"God fucking dammit Minho! What the fuck do you want me to say?! You saw for yourself! you want me to say what’s wrong with me?! Hell, I don’t even know! I don’t know why is this happening to me! I don’t know why and its driving me insane, I can’t ignore it, I can’t pretend I don’t feel different and Minho I -... Min-.. I-..I...Fuck-"

-He choked on a sob. Minho stared at him wide eyed before holding him in his arms and trying to calm him down. Newt cried his heart out while clutching Minho's back. Each sob and hiccup shaking his whole weakened frame, he hadn’t had proper meals nor sleep in such a long time he felt faint now that everything is crashing down.

"I fucking hate it, make it stop, please make it stop"

Minho tried to shush him and calm him down 

“It’s going to be alright Newt, we'll figure something out”

Newt shook his head and pushed himself impossibly closer, holding Minho so tightly almost as if he were his lifeline and only chance of surviving

“I’m going to end up in a mental hospital or an asylum, I’d do something stupid and you’ll become scared and you’ll throw me there when I only have you”

Minho shook his head and rubbed Newt’s back, replying softly and doing his best to reassure his bestfriend 

“I know you’re scared, I’m scared too. I don’t want to lose you and no matter what kind of big trouble you’re in you know I’ll always stand by you Newt. I’m here and no I’m not going to call someone and let them take you away from me”

Newt gradually calmed down after Minho’s reassurance. Once he had stopped crying Minho dragged him to sit on the couch while he’d cook for both of them something to eat, it was still early and he was sure none of them had had breakfast yet.

He’s not the best cook and his best attempt was scrambled eggs and French toast. Minutes passed by in silence interrupted only by Minho’s fumbling around.

"I should've known you only came here because you wanted to steal food from my fridge" 

Newt joked and Minho laughed lightly 

"yeah you got me"

Newt smiled, and Minho felt a wave of relief hit him, obviously nothing was solved yet but it’s a good start.

So, they talk and newt tells him everything but only after Minho reminded him that he'll always be there for him and the two sat beside each other comfortably talking for hours. Minho made sure to just listen without interrupting (because he’s always interrupting but Newt got used to it) and once Newt was done he slumped against him on the couch.  
The two sat in silence digesting the whole thing and turning it in their heads.

"These urges and visions, I don’t know how to explain them Minho but they feel so right and I think Tommy is doing this. He wants me to find him and I feel like I have to, but you think I’m crazy right?"

Minho sighed and touched his head to Newt's who was resting his against Minho’s shoulder 

"Maybe, but I believe you anyways so I guess that makes us two crazies"

Newt huffed while smiling 

"asshole"

Then continued soon after "but thank you"

Minho turned to look at him and newt moved back to face him 

"You have to tell me what you'll do next though, whatever it is I have to know about it and no more going to abandoned places alone you got me?"

Newt took a moment to think about it while Minho stared at him unwaveringly before nodding in defeat.

* * *

A week passes and newt takes up the courage and goes back to the numbers he had written down before. He shows them to Minho and the two start throwing ideas back and forth to what could they be.  
Minho suggests looking for the person that was arrested almost a year ago at the train that Newt was in. They take about a week and half to finally find him and meet him. When they do they unfortunately get nothing useful out of him as the only thing he said to them was that he got on that train following after his daughter and the next thing he knew he was being dragged out of the train bloodied, gun thrown away from his reach and with no memory of who had done that to him.  
It’s almost been a year since that time. Newt has a weird feeling, as if he was running out of time and it was causing him anxiety by each hour.  
He replays that video again and again, it’s always him that shows up. After a few minutes he noticed that his image is saying something to the camera. He spent the whole day trying to understand it.  
There is something eerie about seeing yourself do something you have no memory of doing somehow but eventually he settled on 

_"1 minute to 12 Montre Station"_

It still doesn’t make any sense to him but that’s all he knows for now.  
His search and Minho's for the train is also useless since they found out the Station had closed for reconstruction. The trains aren’t running anymore so even when they found the train with the same number, there was nothing there.  
They have no real photo of Thomas and even when the two had managed to get their hands on the surveillance camera footage of the date of the incident, there was nothing they could find and the camera showed no one that Newt recognized.  
Soon it was a few days to the same date and Newt felt even more anxious and restless. They figured out that the numbers were the same date and time of the incident but they don’t know where to go from there.

* * *

22nd of October, 2018.

Newt woke up to a dream of Thomas sitting alone in the train, the sound of the train still vivid in his mind.  
Empty, lost, scared.

He decided that he'll go to the station tonight and just wait for something, anything to happen. He makes sure to keep his part of the deal and tell Minho as promised.  
Minho texts him that he'll come along. Newt appreciates his friend knowing that even though he’s tired as hell from his work he won’t let newt do this alone.  
So, they meet at the subway entrance by 9 pm and they wait and wait and wait-  
until Minho feels like he’s gotten so restless he can’t wait anymore while freezing his ass off in an abandoned subway station. Minho nods off every now and then sitting next to Newt while the latter keeps focused on any change that might occur.  
Minho got fed up with waiting as it was slowly approaching midnight. Just when he opened his mouth to speak 

“we should probably just call it a day and come back tomorrow” 

Just then the two of them froze, there was a sound slowly becoming louder.  
The sound of a train coming.  
They quickly stood up and moved to watch the tunnel. The two cannot believe what was happening. There shouldn’t be a train passing at this station but there it was approaching.  
The two stared as the train doesn’t show any signs of stopping. Newt’s heart beat crazily and his instinct was telling him to do something crazy. The train quickly approached and would soon leave the station without stopping.  
One heartbeat, two, the clock struck 11:59 pm.  
Newt looked at his watch and muttered 

"I'm sorry"

Newt ran towards the passing train before Minho could catch him, it all happened in an instant

“Newt!”

Minho shouted, and then there was nothingness.

* * *

Newt opened his eyes to find himself inside the moving train, he breathed out a sigh then laughed in disbelief. He just pulled the craziest stunt, he followed his heart and wasn’t dead yet.  
Or maybe he was… he really doesn’t know.  
The train was empty as he kept walking and walking until he saw the silhouette of someone sitting in one of the chairs behind a door separating train sections.  
The door slid open and Thomas looked up, eyes full of hope and shocked at seeing him…  
Then all memories came flooding back to Newt, who Thomas was, what he meant to him and how he was gone.  
Thomas stood up as Newt walked briskly towards him, he grabbed him and held him so tight then mumbled 

"I'll fucking kill you, you fucking jerk"

Newt’s eyes stung with unshed tears, all of this, all of this was to find him again.

"Do you have any idea what I've been through?!" 

Newt asked with a quiet voice choked with tears. Thomas held him tightly and laughed wetly, obviously crying as well.

“you followed me”

His voice filled with love and disbelief 

“I’d follow you anywhere”

Newt sighed in content.

"Are we dead?" 

Thomas asked. Newt pushed back from him then grabbed him by the collar and kissed him. it wasn’t a hard kiss as expected with how he manhandled him but it was a firm gentle touch. A one they both needed to have, a one that told both of them the other is here and safe and alive. Newt pulled back shortly after

"We are not dead, at least that’s what I hope but when we get back home I'll make sure you will be.”

A moment of stunned silence passed by 

“we'll talk later but for now we have to go back" 

Newt continued. Thomas was overwhelmed by everything that just happened and thought he might be hallucinating this thing out of boredom because god knows how long he had been sitting here alone staring at the same wall.  
If this was a hallucination it was a nice one which he didn’t mind so he leaned back again to kiss Newt to which he succeeded but then Newt pulled away from him and Thomas already missed the feeling of their lips touching  
"Later, we need to get back now Tommy"  
Newt said as Thomas frowned  
"But how? This train never stops. I tried everything I can. No signal, no way to stop the train from the control room, no emergency exit worked. I tried everything but I couldn’t leave"

Newt frowned and bit his lips, how do they go back?

He tried coming back the same way he came inside, but the train walls were solid. The doors locked.  
For a moment he thought he just doomed the two of them and he has no idea how to go back.  
Then his eyes caught the cameras and he remembered 

"One minute to 12 Montre Station"

He recited while a confused Thomas stood beside him.  
This must be it!

"How long before we reach Montre?"

Newt asked quickly focusing on Thomas who looked at the display time on the train screen 

"uh 3 minutes?"  
Newt frowned in concentration. Ideas and theories slowly lining up in his mind. Thomas took about 10 minutes or less during that fight and the time was 11:50 - 11:59 which marked his disappearance and time slip. The red numbers displaying before he blacked out were now clear in his mind. If his theory is right, then this could be their way out.  
_11:57 pm._  
Newt quickly grabbed Thomas and dragged him to the nearest door facing where the station platform is supposed to be.  
_11:58 pm._  
He stared with his whole focus on the red numbers on the screen.

"A minute before we reach Montre we jump, got it?"

Thomas looked at him with confusion written all over his face. Newt put a hand on his back and waited.

"Jump where? I told you the doors wo-.."

11:59 pm. 

"Now!"

Newt shouted and Thomas honestly thought Newt just slammed his face into the train door. He shut his eyes and expected the hard impact against his face but he only stumbled a few steps and stood there with his eyes closed, the feeling of newt's hand against his back missing.

The sound of the crowd was deafeningly loud. People gathered around as the police tried to calm down everyone while paramedics shouted to clear the way as they rushed in the midst of crowd.

the clock struck 00:00"

And then Thomas opened his eyes.

* * *

“Ugh I can’t believe Dr. Paige let Janson do that”

Teresa whined as she walked beside Minho through hospital halls. They were on their way to get some coffee to last them through their night shift and Minho could barely keep his eyes open as his friend kept going on and on about their supervisors. It even was his birthday and he had shortly celebrated with his friends before being called into the ER so if he were honest, he should be the most bitter one between the two of them. 

“Minho are you even listening to me at all?!”

Minho closed his eyes and took a sip, welcoming the dose of caffeine that’s meant to keep him awake during his shift. Being a paramedic was beyond exhausting. He was just thinking of switching careers to selling ice cream and how to get an ice cream truck when his mind went blank then the following second overwhelmed with the memories of a whole year. A year following a life where he didn’t know Thomas, a one where Newt was going insane.  
A one that didn’t exist.

“Minho! What are you doing?! Oh god maybe it’d be better if you get some sleep you really can’t be trusted to walk around like that. Look at the mess you made”

Minho looked down and found that he had dropped his coffee but at that moment there was only one thought in his mind.

He had seen Newt jump into a train, he had seen his friend before his own eyes.

“yeah sorry, could you let Dr. Mary know? I need to go now”

Teresa nodded, concern written all over her face as her eyes followed Minho running towards the exit.

“you are not going to clean this ?!!”

She shouted behind him but went unheard. His heart was gripped with fear that what he saw was real, that he couldn’t stop Newt from jumping to his death right in front of his own eyes.

Minho ran through the parking lot, quickly spotting his car and turning it on. He slid into the driver’s seat and started the engine then took off driving without even putting on his seatbelt.  
He’s sure he broke at least 3 laws one his way towards the subway station and almost had a car accident as the other driver kept cussing at him for his reckless driving but he couldn’t care less. He only needed to find his best friend and make sure whatever visions he just had were not real.

He arrived at the Subway station and quickly stopped his car then got out. There was a large crowd. A lot of people and even some press. What made his heart get stuck in his throat was the sight of an ambulance.  
He tried to cut through the crowd to see who was taken there but the ambulance moved before he could reach it. he searched amidst the crowd for a face of a person he grew up with, a friend since childhood, a brother and an important piece to his life.

he pushed his way down into the station’s stairway, someone grabbed him and turned him the other way 

“Sir, you can’t go back down. Station is closed for the night and the police are investigating the place”

The policeman held his arm in a firm grip. Fear ruled over his heart and his first reaction was disbelief.  
_Did I lose him?_

Minho broke free from the policeman’s grasp and started running through the crowd.  
_Please._  
He took a look around him, no one he knows.  
_Please._  
He searched the bathrooms, found no one there.  
_Please._  
He was about to jump into the railings and run through the trails out of desperation, dreading the possibility of finding Newt’s mingled remains but knowing he has to make sure if it’s true.  
But then a voice called his name and he turned back abruptly to make sure he had heard it right.

“Minho, I’m right here”

Newt said with a smile, Thomas standing next to him smiling sheepishly. Minho stood there staring at his two best friends. A one he lived a lifetime without and the other he lost and couldn’t do anything about it.

“I’m sorry i-..woah”

He got interrupted by Minho hugging him so tightly it got suffocating. Newt smiled despite the lack of air going to his lungs and let Minho have this as he relaxed against him. the moment was shortly cut as Minho stepped back and released his hold on Newt with a smile then frowned and turned to Thomas.

Thomas could not have had anything to prepare him for the punch he received in the stomach from Minho. Newt’s shocked gasp faintly registered as he groaned and bent, holding his stomach in pain with a wince

“That’s for making Newt suffer a whole year you dipshit”

Newt huffed but couldn’t help but burst out laughing soon after. Thomas grinned 

“yeah I guess I deserve that”

Minho shrugged then smiled softly

“I did tell you I’d end you if you hurt him”

Thomas nodded and straightened up

“duly noted buddy”

Minho patted Thomas’s back as his way of welcoming him back then gestured to the stairs of the station.

“let’s get out of here you shanks, you have a lot of explaining to do and this is not the place”

The two nodded in agreement and the trio started walking to the outside. Newt saw the blonde girl from the train hugging an older woman who looked relieved to have her daughter safe back in her arms. Newt smiled at the two and continued walking. His hand occasionally brushing against Thomas’s until Thomas shyly held his hand and interlaced their fingers.

They were going home.

* * *

 

“Like fuck. I thought I lost you both don’t you dare do something like that again and for the next 50 years I’m never letting you two out of my sight”

Minho grumbled and glared at Thomas as he sipped his drink, they didn’t actually get to their apartment because Thomas’s loud stomach growl was too annoying for the other two to just ignore hence, why they decided to hit a Mcdonlad’s. 

“I told you it wasn’t all nice and great from my part either! I was stuck in a god damn train but Newt found me through the tunnel of time like a destined lo-… stop throwing ketchup at me!”

Minho sneered  
“only when you stop being so cheesy, god who the fuck let you grow up this way?”

Newt rolled his eyes as Thomas took the less mature way to express his fake annoyance by flipping Minho off.

“you wanna get punched in the gut again you shank?”

Thomas slowly put down his hand but then he noticed Newt was stealing from his fries and slapped Newt’s hand

“that’s mine!”

Newt slapped his hand back and stole his fries anyways.

“yeah well I saved your ass so you should just be grateful”

Thomas turned towards Minho looking for compassion and hoping to form an alliance against French fries thieves. Minho avoided his eyes and pretended to find the walls more interesting.

“don’t look at me, we already have a deal between us so you should just make yours”

Thomas scrunched his nose as he relaxed back in his chair and took a sip from his coke.

“you have a deal?”

Newt nodded as he munched on the stolen fries.

“yeah. he takes some of my fries, I take some of his nuggets” 

Minho said as he stole the last nugget from Newt and took a bite then held up his coke as Newt took his Sprite and they touched the two with a grin.

“cheers.”

The whole ride back to the two’s apartment, Thomas wouldn’t stop grumbling and muttering to himself about how unfair the two were by ganging up on him and how he would make his own deals with Alby or Brenda and he wouldn’t have to suffer with them anymore as Newt slept on the passenger’s seat and Minho ignored him to focus on driving them safely so they could all just finally get some sleep that’s well-deserved.


End file.
